Motherhood, marriage, mental health and mortgages. The soundtrack to my life - but half a decade in, the music changed and now I march to a different beat.
Sorry to hear about your husband Mary. Glad to hear though that you have been able to rebuild a life that is clearly feeding your soul! I’m so happy for you… you are inspirational!
Thanks Carole - my fucks are well and truly spent and I can't be bothered either (such a good phrase). I can only write authentically and honestly (maybe a bit too much so).. I am glad you appreciate it. That's great to know. 🌸
Hello Rebecca…..I hope you enjoyed your day🤗 I really enjoyed reading your honesty & inspirational life’s story!! For me, as a few women have also mentioned, my life has been similar to yours. It’s as if I was literally writing my own life experiences.🤦🏼♀️ I will be 75 this month & it has taken me many years to come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter how much or what a Mom and/or Wife devotes to our Family & household, it’s doesn’t seem enough.🤷🏼♀️ I’ve been divorced since 1985 & was a single Mom raising 2 Sons. I’m a survivor of breast cancer, several joint replacement surgeries, & like you, struggle with back pain from /sacral lumbar fusions. As my life continues (Not Complaining,) I finally realize it’s my life & my time now🙏 My youngest Son died from a Fentanyl overdose 7 years ago & I found him in his room. I was caregiver to my Mom who passed from Stage 4 breast cancer in 2012, my youngest Brother passed 2 weeks to the day from our Mom in a motorcycle accident & my Dad passed from a massive heart attack @ 45 yrs old & when I was 14 yrs old. On the bright side I am blessed with 1 Grandson & have 3 young, amazing, curious, healthy, sweet 3 Great-Grandchildren The mural of my story is….”It’s about fucking time I live my life for Me now”❣️🤔😂
Oh Gloria… thanks so much for your comments… your coming back to life is way overdue! What a life you have lead… there is a book in you I’m sure.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your son and your family members. Grief upon grief. Heartbreaking 💔. But you are still here, with a gorgeous grandson and 3 great grand babies… what a triumph, what a credit to you and your fighting spirit. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy every minute. No more fucks to give Gloria… your time is now! 💃🏻
yay !! an awesome essay / i'm seventy fucking four (i keep doing the math and it keeps coming out the same) and my challenges are greater than ever (isolation lack of community house maintenance and rohn maintenance) but you offered a bright new vision of living life to the fullest and i know i can do that to
Thanks so much for your comments Rohn. I am so glad that my vision resonates with you. Youth is wasted on the young, it was certainly wasted on me. The older I get the more I find my joy in the simplest and smallest of wins .. welcome to my community of living authentically!
Congratulations!!! It's a good feeling, isn't it? I'm less than a week from 64, and I can only say it gets better. My husband of 30 years (three adult children) died three years ago. I retired in December and moved across the U.S. to Arizona. I couldn't feel better if I tried.
I stopped being a martyr to housework. Amen to that. That epiphany happened for me 5 years ago when Covid made sure no one visited. Who was I keeping the place spotless for? Not my family as they couldn’t give a fuck. Now the visitors just have to step over the massive pile of trainers that (ironically) barely move and plump their own cushions when they sit on the sofa. Make way for more valuable time (aka life left) to do the meaningful things that I want to and spend precious time with those who I love and appreciate.
😂… I love that the trainers in your hall don’t move Catherine! Our hallway looks like a half arsed Tracey Emin installation. I give up. Better things to do. Writing, reading, sleeping (love an afternoon nap) and catching up with wonderful friends. Life’s too short to waste a minute. 👯♀️
I've got the paddle board but still to try it out! Otherwise I need to learn from this, though I am in my sixties with even less time to cram in something or other!
Thank you so much Carole. ‘I can’t be bothered’ is such a good phrase.. I use it a lot. I really try to be authentic.. I rewrote this piece 3 times before I was happy with the tone. I’m too old now to be anything else but authentic … no more fucks to give! 🌷
There isn’t a surface in our house that hasn’t been cleaned by baby wipes at some point (including my face!). I wasn’t ready to give them up either in my forties either Adina and I look forward to using them on my (eventual) grand babies.In my fifties though, they are taking a back seat. 💃🏻
Cheers to you Adina and good luck. I do miss cleaning cute mucky faces and sticky little fingers, enjoy it while you can. X
I’m turning 60 in just a few weeks and I am SO glad this is the stack I chose to read in my 5 minutes (that’s really 3 if I’m being honest) of free time.
I even shared the paragraph about making every get together with your mom as a holiday to my siblings as our once-vibrant Mom (at 75 she took a 12 day African safari by herself and at 79 went skydiving for the 1st time) had declined impossibly quickly in her 80s. She is now living in an assisted home in an “apartment” that’s about the size of her bedroom at home.
Another part that really resonated with me is the part about giving chances to those that don’t deserve them. I didn’t share that quote, but I did save it. Currently, the human that falls in that category is my only son. How do you write off that one?
Our families sound similar. My 83 year old dad could out walk any of us up to a couple of years ago. He became frail around the time my mum has the stroke… it felt like we were losing everything but since then we have gained so much, celebrated every time we meet, no more taking them for granted. So many more memories to make amongst the hideousness of elderly decline.
I’m sorry to hear about your relationship with your son. You can love someone but hate how they behave. You can only row your own boat though. Hopefully he will see you paddling happily and feel inspired to row on over to you and join you.
There’s so much that’s relatable here - not least the picking after family members, fretting about the mortgage and living with the equivalent of a crap blind for years. I’m also saying - enough! A close friend recently told me about the notion of 4000 weeks (roughly what you get if you live to 80.). The idea of letting go of things that don’t serve me and living more for the things that do had been percolating a while and was brought to a sharp focus as I went down the burnout black hole around Xmas. New professional direction is now gently nurtured, too - the full NHS pension is just not going to be worth being miserable because I want to live, more, today.
I hear you Anna (in fact I think we have been living the same life!).
What’s the point of a pension you can’t spend? I would take half and live my life to the full now. Nothing is guaranteed and for me that’s liberating, not depressing. Good luck with your new professional venture… if you have survived years in the NHS, you can do anything!
I love the advice of your mortgage advisor! Words to live by if ever there were some. I hard relate to the blind - imagine the years of wasted energy thinking, 'I need to fix that' every time you saw it? And as for your relationship with your daughter thriving once she'd flown the nest - well, that is the motherhood goal we strive for and you went and achieved it! 💪🏻
Thanks Alexandra. My mortgage advisor literally changed my whole outlook. This bloody house should serve me, not the other way around! And that damn blind… 5 years waking up to that on the wonk. Ridiculous.
I hope I have achieved one motherhood goal… I guess I would have to ask my daughter and I still have another daughter to go. The goals keep coming but at least I feel able to face them. 💃🏻
I love everything you write Rebecca but this is what stood out for me -
I declared the kitchen table my ‘workspace’ and told my family to make their own dinners.
I’m not there yet as my younger child is soon turning 11, but I truly can’t wait for the time that I’m not solely responsible for deciding, buying and cooking what we eat. I want to be able to eat the things I like, that the rest of the family don’t, and above everything, I would like for one of them - to cook for me.
My girls both love cooking, which I think stems from the fact I hate it and if they want elaborate meals they have to cook them themselves! Cooking they like, clearing the kitchen afterwards… not so much…😕
Glad you enjoyed the post. Plenty more to come, happy to walk through this time with you until you get your first home-cooked meal (that you haven’t had to cook yourself!).
Sorry to hear about your husband Mary. Glad to hear though that you have been able to rebuild a life that is clearly feeding your soul! I’m so happy for you… you are inspirational!
Thanks Carole - my fucks are well and truly spent and I can't be bothered either (such a good phrase). I can only write authentically and honestly (maybe a bit too much so).. I am glad you appreciate it. That's great to know. 🌸
Hello Rebecca…..I hope you enjoyed your day🤗 I really enjoyed reading your honesty & inspirational life’s story!! For me, as a few women have also mentioned, my life has been similar to yours. It’s as if I was literally writing my own life experiences.🤦🏼♀️ I will be 75 this month & it has taken me many years to come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter how much or what a Mom and/or Wife devotes to our Family & household, it’s doesn’t seem enough.🤷🏼♀️ I’ve been divorced since 1985 & was a single Mom raising 2 Sons. I’m a survivor of breast cancer, several joint replacement surgeries, & like you, struggle with back pain from /sacral lumbar fusions. As my life continues (Not Complaining,) I finally realize it’s my life & my time now🙏 My youngest Son died from a Fentanyl overdose 7 years ago & I found him in his room. I was caregiver to my Mom who passed from Stage 4 breast cancer in 2012, my youngest Brother passed 2 weeks to the day from our Mom in a motorcycle accident & my Dad passed from a massive heart attack @ 45 yrs old & when I was 14 yrs old. On the bright side I am blessed with 1 Grandson & have 3 young, amazing, curious, healthy, sweet 3 Great-Grandchildren The mural of my story is….”It’s about fucking time I live my life for Me now”❣️🤔😂
Oh Gloria… thanks so much for your comments… your coming back to life is way overdue! What a life you have lead… there is a book in you I’m sure.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your son and your family members. Grief upon grief. Heartbreaking 💔. But you are still here, with a gorgeous grandson and 3 great grand babies… what a triumph, what a credit to you and your fighting spirit. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy every minute. No more fucks to give Gloria… your time is now! 💃🏻
yay !! an awesome essay / i'm seventy fucking four (i keep doing the math and it keeps coming out the same) and my challenges are greater than ever (isolation lack of community house maintenance and rohn maintenance) but you offered a bright new vision of living life to the fullest and i know i can do that to
Thanks so much for your comments Rohn. I am so glad that my vision resonates with you. Youth is wasted on the young, it was certainly wasted on me. The older I get the more I find my joy in the simplest and smallest of wins .. welcome to my community of living authentically!
Congratulations!!! It's a good feeling, isn't it? I'm less than a week from 64, and I can only say it gets better. My husband of 30 years (three adult children) died three years ago. I retired in December and moved across the U.S. to Arizona. I couldn't feel better if I tried.
Thanks Mary… sorry to hear about your husband but glad you have managed to rebuild a beautiful life for yourself. That really is inspirational.
I stopped being a martyr to housework. Amen to that. That epiphany happened for me 5 years ago when Covid made sure no one visited. Who was I keeping the place spotless for? Not my family as they couldn’t give a fuck. Now the visitors just have to step over the massive pile of trainers that (ironically) barely move and plump their own cushions when they sit on the sofa. Make way for more valuable time (aka life left) to do the meaningful things that I want to and spend precious time with those who I love and appreciate.
😂… I love that the trainers in your hall don’t move Catherine! Our hallway looks like a half arsed Tracey Emin installation. I give up. Better things to do. Writing, reading, sleeping (love an afternoon nap) and catching up with wonderful friends. Life’s too short to waste a minute. 👯♀️
I've got the paddle board but still to try it out! Otherwise I need to learn from this, though I am in my sixties with even less time to cram in something or other!
Oh the paddle board! I have friends who do it but I can’t even balance on flat ground… I’ll leave the walking on water to higher beings! 😆
I’m looking forward to my 60s Graham…. think I will be even more irrepressible than I am now! 🔥
At 68, my give a fucks are mostly gone. My 85 year old British aunt & i just say, “can’t be bothered” and laugh.
I love your authentic writing! 🌹
Thank you so much Carole. ‘I can’t be bothered’ is such a good phrase.. I use it a lot. I really try to be authentic.. I rewrote this piece 3 times before I was happy with the tone. I’m too old now to be anything else but authentic … no more fucks to give! 🌷
Look, baby wipes are popular for a reason and I’m not ready to let go! :)
Cheers to you, and good luck to me (in my 40s).
There isn’t a surface in our house that hasn’t been cleaned by baby wipes at some point (including my face!). I wasn’t ready to give them up either in my forties either Adina and I look forward to using them on my (eventual) grand babies.In my fifties though, they are taking a back seat. 💃🏻
Cheers to you Adina and good luck. I do miss cleaning cute mucky faces and sticky little fingers, enjoy it while you can. X
I’m turning 60 in just a few weeks and I am SO glad this is the stack I chose to read in my 5 minutes (that’s really 3 if I’m being honest) of free time.
I even shared the paragraph about making every get together with your mom as a holiday to my siblings as our once-vibrant Mom (at 75 she took a 12 day African safari by herself and at 79 went skydiving for the 1st time) had declined impossibly quickly in her 80s. She is now living in an assisted home in an “apartment” that’s about the size of her bedroom at home.
Another part that really resonated with me is the part about giving chances to those that don’t deserve them. I didn’t share that quote, but I did save it. Currently, the human that falls in that category is my only son. How do you write off that one?
Thanks so much for your comments.
Our families sound similar. My 83 year old dad could out walk any of us up to a couple of years ago. He became frail around the time my mum has the stroke… it felt like we were losing everything but since then we have gained so much, celebrated every time we meet, no more taking them for granted. So many more memories to make amongst the hideousness of elderly decline.
I’m sorry to hear about your relationship with your son. You can love someone but hate how they behave. You can only row your own boat though. Hopefully he will see you paddling happily and feel inspired to row on over to you and join you.
There’s so much that’s relatable here - not least the picking after family members, fretting about the mortgage and living with the equivalent of a crap blind for years. I’m also saying - enough! A close friend recently told me about the notion of 4000 weeks (roughly what you get if you live to 80.). The idea of letting go of things that don’t serve me and living more for the things that do had been percolating a while and was brought to a sharp focus as I went down the burnout black hole around Xmas. New professional direction is now gently nurtured, too - the full NHS pension is just not going to be worth being miserable because I want to live, more, today.
I hear you Anna (in fact I think we have been living the same life!).
What’s the point of a pension you can’t spend? I would take half and live my life to the full now. Nothing is guaranteed and for me that’s liberating, not depressing. Good luck with your new professional venture… if you have survived years in the NHS, you can do anything!
Love your writing. Keep it up.
Thanks so much Michelle… love your work too, keep going too, your voice is needed now more than ever!
Beautiful article, relate to so much even though I’m not quite there yet 😜 Thank you for writing it ☺️
Glad you enjoyed it Caroline. Hold on, you will get there ☺️
I love the advice of your mortgage advisor! Words to live by if ever there were some. I hard relate to the blind - imagine the years of wasted energy thinking, 'I need to fix that' every time you saw it? And as for your relationship with your daughter thriving once she'd flown the nest - well, that is the motherhood goal we strive for and you went and achieved it! 💪🏻
Thanks Alexandra. My mortgage advisor literally changed my whole outlook. This bloody house should serve me, not the other way around! And that damn blind… 5 years waking up to that on the wonk. Ridiculous.
I hope I have achieved one motherhood goal… I guess I would have to ask my daughter and I still have another daughter to go. The goals keep coming but at least I feel able to face them. 💃🏻
I love everything you write Rebecca but this is what stood out for me -
I declared the kitchen table my ‘workspace’ and told my family to make their own dinners.
I’m not there yet as my younger child is soon turning 11, but I truly can’t wait for the time that I’m not solely responsible for deciding, buying and cooking what we eat. I want to be able to eat the things I like, that the rest of the family don’t, and above everything, I would like for one of them - to cook for me.
Oh Maria… hold tight, you will get there.
My girls both love cooking, which I think stems from the fact I hate it and if they want elaborate meals they have to cook them themselves! Cooking they like, clearing the kitchen afterwards… not so much…😕
Glad you enjoyed the post. Plenty more to come, happy to walk through this time with you until you get your first home-cooked meal (that you haven’t had to cook yourself!).