I’m so glad you go away from that gaslighter Maureen, so many women don’t or can’t. Gaslighters don’t change… the only way is out.
Trust yourself… it’s the key isn’t it? But you need the right support around you too. In hope you had the support you needed and I hope everyone reading my work knows I’m here to support them too.
Great essay, Rebecca. I was married to someone who tried to use gaslighting as a method of control, so I am very attuned to this behaviour. You live and learn, in my case, to trust my own judgement. Ultimately, he found me too difficult to control. In the same way, we must not be politically controlled by ‘false tongues’.
Thank you Rebecca for this beautifully written work. I cannot tell you how heartening it is to me (as a citizen of the USA) to hear you state that we are being gaslighted. The audacity of Rubio, for example, in stating that our president has never napped during a meeting, when we have witnessed this for ourselves multiple times. I have also heard his cabinet members saying it is just a “long blink”. Really! How stupid do they think we are? None of them actually believe what they are saying either but they know from research studies that it is easy and possible to corrupt reality in the minds of other if you just insist on the falsehood as being the truth. This has been the baseline for a lot of Republican politicians for quite some time now.
Everything about this administration if a big scam.
‘A long blink’… can you believe these people? Do they really believe this nonsense themselves?
Gaslighting is now on a global scale… we are being lead down the garden path in Britain by the likes of Reform and its toad like leader Nigel Farage 🐸.
You are not alone America… we see what you are going through and we are fighting hard to stop it taking root over here too.
We are part of a worldwide community of truth tellers, Sylvia. Forget borders and oceans , we are building our global land of truth. ✌️
Just today I saw a video online with our president sound asleep at a table/desk (?) with his team all standing behind him discussing policy and pretending he was awake and participating. I have been wondering for quite a while now why they conduct so many of their meetings with him seated and all them standing behind him (vs sitting together at table) and today I realized they do this so they cannot see his face and can state they did not seem him sleeping (and therefore, clearly he was wide awake). This is gaslighting at its finest.
There are so many people in this country trying to fight against ICE, the deceit practiced within the White House, suing the Republican controlled courts, protecting folks living here, trying to afford gas, trying to feed and get medical care for those who do not have food or health care insurance etc. The list goes on and on. It is exhausting and some days are very hard to get through for so many of us.
Sorry, but not surprised, that there is trouble in your corner of the world as well. Things are unsettled in so many places on this earth right now.
I hope we will return to better times.
Thanks for your compassion and understanding Rebecca.
Global gaslighting on an epic scale… denying the truth before their eyes by having him turn his back on them! 🤬
We will return to better times. Until then we fight on and we speak our truths… whatever corner of the globe we inhabit, we all live under the same sun. ☀️ ✌️
Nice to have an ally in the UK. Honestly it often feels like we are so alone here in this country because we are under attack here by so many of our own government leaders and policies and we are constantly reading how hated we are in the rest of the world as well.
Trump is hated. His batshit administration is hated. The people who voted for him, yeah they are not that popular either but America is not hated as most of us believe Trump only stands for himself.
The trick, as you say, is to trust your gut and believe the evidence of your own eyes and ears.
Oh, and some people think “lefty” is an insult, but I will never apologise for caring about people and wanting them to flourish. Even if it has got me into a few spats on here.
Oh I loved this video Suze… really encapsulates what I was writing about. We can and must go against the ‘norms’ when the norms are becoming so destructive and dangerous.
I laugh when people call me a ‘lefty’ too. Hardly an insult. Call me right wing and I would disown myself!
Thanks for your comments and the video Suze, love that you have understood the message of the piece so well. ❤️
I wrote a piece on conscience and shame yesterday, although it wasn't very clear what I was trying to say by the time I'd written it...but still, I've been in so many situations, both professionally and personally, when no one agrees with what I'm saying and it's difficult to stay centred as it can bring up shame. Being a lifelong fawner means I want/need to be liked/agreed with, but I'm now aware of these old patterns and stick to my guns, even when I feel totally alone in my opinions. We (women) need to speak up and say what we think and how we feel whatever the response from others.
So true Karen. Girls are not socialised to assert themselves and when they do they are labelled as bossy or bolshy.
It is hard to go against the grain, to stay true to the evidence in front of our eyes (especially when it is being denied by others). That’s why I write, so we don’t have to do it alone. Safety in numbers Karen, always.
It's true, Rebecca. You are correct! "Gaslighting" is becoming a regular term in the vernacular. As a practice, it seems it's becoming mainstream acceptable. Where is the outcry and the pushback?
Whatever or how often you label it doesn't change it, nor make gaslighting a good thing. When we started calling gonorrhea, syphilis, and clamydia STIs, it didn't make them any nicer. A rose is a rose is a rose.
Gaslighting.
It's lying. It's always been lying and it always will be. It's antiquatedly called "bearing false witness". It used to be considered a sin. The antithesis of Trust and Truth.
When did "Liar's Club" move from a TV game show or reality TV to actual reality? What is the attraction or entertainment value of witnessing others duping and being duped?
My psych education never quite prepared me for this twist.
And the insidious part? Gaslighting is intentionally manipulative of another human being's perception, for selfish means. So it's greedy. Very, very greedy! The fifth deadly sin.
Brainwashing
Mind control
Crazy-making
If you've ever been involved in a personal relationship with a gaslighter, then you know. You truly lose your bearings for a time. Not till you step back and trust your gut, as you have pointed out, are you able to get free and reset your moral compass. The wake up call comes hard and late for some of us. Rock bottom comes to mind.
The world is being gaslit politically on a scale not ever experienced quite like before, amplified and enabled by social media, the media, and the internet in general. Pushing back is very difficult.
As Hannah Arendt wrote about on propaganda and Nazism: "The result of a consistent and total substitution of lies for factual truth ... the sense by which we take our bearings in the real world... is being destroyed."
Just exactly how deep is rock bottom for us and how hard will the experience of hitting it going to have to be? 🤔
What an amazing reply Cath… I’m going to try and restack it… so eloquently and intelligently put.
How deep is rock bottom? Every time I think we have reached it, more horror unfolds. But we can write about it, name it, shame it, work for better. I think we will all go slowly mad if we don’t.
Thanks, Rebecca. This Substack article just popped up for me and it is so much on point I thought you would find it interesting. I subscribe to George, but don't believe he has it paywalled. ❤️🇨🇦
I would add to your excellent list the assertion by Farage and the far right that white people are the victims of police racism, based on zero evidence and a large body of data indicating that the opposite is true.
Never let the evidence be heard … another rule of the Gaslighters.
Evidence is clear that ethnic minorities are subject to more police racism than white people but yeah, why let the data ruin a good propaganda campaign eh Nige? 🐸
So true - so very, horribly, bloody true. You have framed it brilliantly. It is exhausting and debilitating and how do we make it stop? How do we fight back?
I started typing a reply to this Jen but it went on for so long I have decided to make it into a post… thanks for the inspiration… it’s an important question and definitely worth asking.
The day Donald and FOX Media got away with calling January 6th “A tour of the U.S. Capitol that went astray” was the beginning of the end for America. Talk about Gaslighting! We all watched it happen on live television!!! That was not a tour! It was an insurrection!!! We saw it with our own eyes.
We should have been in the streets marching EVERY DAY, and demanding for Trump’s arrest, but we weren’t. We didn’t. The people who were enraged by it were the same people who believed Covid was a deadly virus that was highly contagious (Those of us who believed in facts and truth) and we stayed at home.
We allowed ourselves to give in to the exhaustion. After years of maintaining there were 8 notes, we didn’t change our answer to 7, we just stopped fighting the fight and let MAGA say there were 7, and we called it a difference of opinion. We gave up the fight against obstinate stupidity.
That’s what MAGA is: 5% entitled mega-wealthy people coupled with 95% obstinate stupidity, who welcome the gaslighting with open arms, and teach their children to do the same.
To be honest, it’s horrifyingly sad watching America decompose before your eyes.
Thank you Rebecca, nicely said. Up is down, black is white, climate change is a hoax. Many of us have said it’s like being in an abusive relationship with this current admin and indeed it does feel like it at times. Normalizing greed, lies, abuse and worse; a strong “leader” (who goes missing for a week and can’t stay awake in cabinet meetings). George Orwell pegged it in “1984.” When I was 22 y.o. an ex and I were arguing and he said, “that’s not how you really feel, what you mean is…”. 🤯 I was so flabbergasted by that comment that I blew a gasket and called him out, turned around, left. I was stunned by how easily those words rolled off his tongue.
‘That’s not what you really feel’… cheeky bastard as we would say over here. If you punched him in the face and he said it hurt would you tell him ‘that’s not what you really feel’?!.
Gaslighting is a key tool of the patriarchy and boy has it been used as a key weapon of the Trump
Administration.
You are calling Trump out in the same way you called that idiot out when you were 22… you can’t keep a good woman down! 👏
Ohhh I've noticed this! It's a tactic beloved by the far right, conspiracy theorists & extreme anti-vaxxers. If I hadn't already experienced it from an abusive ex-husband, it would have affected me much worse, but as it is, it just makes me very angry that some think it's ok to resort to these tactics when speaking to strangers.
I wrote a piece on conscience and shame yesterday, although it wasn't very clear what I was trying to say by the time I'd written it...but still, I've been in so many situations, both professionally and personally, when no one agrees with what I'm saying and it's difficult to stay centred as it can bring up shame. Being a lifelong fawner means I want/need to be liked/agreed with, but I'm now aware of these old patterns and stick to my guns, even when I feel totally alone in my opinions. We (women) need to speak up and say what we think and how we feel whatever the response from others.
I wrote a piece on conscience and shame yesterday, although it wasn't very clear what I was trying to say by the time I'd written it...but still, I've been in so many situations, both professionally and personally, when no one agrees with what I'm saying or how I feel and it's difficult to stay centred as it can bring up shame. Being a lifelong fawner means I want/need to be liked/agreed with, but I'm now aware of these old patterns and stick to my guns, even when I feel totally alone in my opinions. We (women) need to speak up and say what we think and how we feel whatever the response from others.
I’m so glad you go away from that gaslighter Maureen, so many women don’t or can’t. Gaslighters don’t change… the only way is out.
Trust yourself… it’s the key isn’t it? But you need the right support around you too. In hope you had the support you needed and I hope everyone reading my work knows I’m here to support them too.
Thank you, Rebecca. You are so supportive, with a wonderful sense of justice and fairness. This is what your readers love so much xx
Thank you so much Maureen - could I use this as quote on my website? it is such a lovely thing to say. X
Of course !
Thank you so much Maureen X
Great essay, Rebecca. I was married to someone who tried to use gaslighting as a method of control, so I am very attuned to this behaviour. You live and learn, in my case, to trust my own judgement. Ultimately, he found me too difficult to control. In the same way, we must not be politically controlled by ‘false tongues’.
Thank you Rebecca for this beautifully written work. I cannot tell you how heartening it is to me (as a citizen of the USA) to hear you state that we are being gaslighted. The audacity of Rubio, for example, in stating that our president has never napped during a meeting, when we have witnessed this for ourselves multiple times. I have also heard his cabinet members saying it is just a “long blink”. Really! How stupid do they think we are? None of them actually believe what they are saying either but they know from research studies that it is easy and possible to corrupt reality in the minds of other if you just insist on the falsehood as being the truth. This has been the baseline for a lot of Republican politicians for quite some time now.
Everything about this administration if a big scam.
‘A long blink’… can you believe these people? Do they really believe this nonsense themselves?
Gaslighting is now on a global scale… we are being lead down the garden path in Britain by the likes of Reform and its toad like leader Nigel Farage 🐸.
You are not alone America… we see what you are going through and we are fighting hard to stop it taking root over here too.
We are part of a worldwide community of truth tellers, Sylvia. Forget borders and oceans , we are building our global land of truth. ✌️
Message continued: Sorry, accidentally pressed send.
Just today I saw a video online with our president sound asleep at a table/desk (?) with his team all standing behind him discussing policy and pretending he was awake and participating. I have been wondering for quite a while now why they conduct so many of their meetings with him seated and all them standing behind him (vs sitting together at table) and today I realized they do this so they cannot see his face and can state they did not seem him sleeping (and therefore, clearly he was wide awake). This is gaslighting at its finest.
There are so many people in this country trying to fight against ICE, the deceit practiced within the White House, suing the Republican controlled courts, protecting folks living here, trying to afford gas, trying to feed and get medical care for those who do not have food or health care insurance etc. The list goes on and on. It is exhausting and some days are very hard to get through for so many of us.
Sorry, but not surprised, that there is trouble in your corner of the world as well. Things are unsettled in so many places on this earth right now.
I hope we will return to better times.
Thanks for your compassion and understanding Rebecca.
Global gaslighting on an epic scale… denying the truth before their eyes by having him turn his back on them! 🤬
We will return to better times. Until then we fight on and we speak our truths… whatever corner of the globe we inhabit, we all live under the same sun. ☀️ ✌️
Complete truth Rebecca! I am not giving up and I know you are not going to either. I like having a (geographically) distant teammate. Thank you.
You have many Sylvia, America has many, don’t lose hope. ✌️
Thank you Rebecca. You are very encouraging and you have no idea how much this means to me.
Nice to have an ally in the UK. Honestly it often feels like we are so alone here in this country because we are under attack here by so many of our own government leaders and policies and we are constantly reading how hated we are in the rest of the world as well.
Trump is hated. His batshit administration is hated. The people who voted for him, yeah they are not that popular either but America is not hated as most of us believe Trump only stands for himself.
So glad you are able to discern that from your vantage point. That is encouraging. Now if I could just persuade his devotees here.
Go for it Sylvia!
I studied social conformity at college in 2018. This video always stuck with me. We all think we won’t fall for it, but we do (but not always)
https://youtu.be/o8BkzvP19v4?si=AkOjwzxyTyCuydcq
The trick, as you say, is to trust your gut and believe the evidence of your own eyes and ears.
Oh, and some people think “lefty” is an insult, but I will never apologise for caring about people and wanting them to flourish. Even if it has got me into a few spats on here.
Thank you Rebecca ❤️
Oh I loved this video Suze… really encapsulates what I was writing about. We can and must go against the ‘norms’ when the norms are becoming so destructive and dangerous.
I laugh when people call me a ‘lefty’ too. Hardly an insult. Call me right wing and I would disown myself!
Thanks for your comments and the video Suze, love that you have understood the message of the piece so well. ❤️
I wrote a piece on conscience and shame yesterday, although it wasn't very clear what I was trying to say by the time I'd written it...but still, I've been in so many situations, both professionally and personally, when no one agrees with what I'm saying and it's difficult to stay centred as it can bring up shame. Being a lifelong fawner means I want/need to be liked/agreed with, but I'm now aware of these old patterns and stick to my guns, even when I feel totally alone in my opinions. We (women) need to speak up and say what we think and how we feel whatever the response from others.
Karen
So true Karen. Girls are not socialised to assert themselves and when they do they are labelled as bossy or bolshy.
It is hard to go against the grain, to stay true to the evidence in front of our eyes (especially when it is being denied by others). That’s why I write, so we don’t have to do it alone. Safety in numbers Karen, always.
It's true, Rebecca. You are correct! "Gaslighting" is becoming a regular term in the vernacular. As a practice, it seems it's becoming mainstream acceptable. Where is the outcry and the pushback?
Whatever or how often you label it doesn't change it, nor make gaslighting a good thing. When we started calling gonorrhea, syphilis, and clamydia STIs, it didn't make them any nicer. A rose is a rose is a rose.
Gaslighting.
It's lying. It's always been lying and it always will be. It's antiquatedly called "bearing false witness". It used to be considered a sin. The antithesis of Trust and Truth.
When did "Liar's Club" move from a TV game show or reality TV to actual reality? What is the attraction or entertainment value of witnessing others duping and being duped?
My psych education never quite prepared me for this twist.
And the insidious part? Gaslighting is intentionally manipulative of another human being's perception, for selfish means. So it's greedy. Very, very greedy! The fifth deadly sin.
Brainwashing
Mind control
Crazy-making
If you've ever been involved in a personal relationship with a gaslighter, then you know. You truly lose your bearings for a time. Not till you step back and trust your gut, as you have pointed out, are you able to get free and reset your moral compass. The wake up call comes hard and late for some of us. Rock bottom comes to mind.
The world is being gaslit politically on a scale not ever experienced quite like before, amplified and enabled by social media, the media, and the internet in general. Pushing back is very difficult.
As Hannah Arendt wrote about on propaganda and Nazism: "The result of a consistent and total substitution of lies for factual truth ... the sense by which we take our bearings in the real world... is being destroyed."
Just exactly how deep is rock bottom for us and how hard will the experience of hitting it going to have to be? 🤔
❤️🇨🇦
What an amazing reply Cath… I’m going to try and restack it… so eloquently and intelligently put.
How deep is rock bottom? Every time I think we have reached it, more horror unfolds. But we can write about it, name it, shame it, work for better. I think we will all go slowly mad if we don’t.
Thanks, Rebecca. This Substack article just popped up for me and it is so much on point I thought you would find it interesting. I subscribe to George, but don't believe he has it paywalled. ❤️🇨🇦
https://canpulse.substack.com/p/canadian-pulse-exclusive-investigation?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=3mjfmw
I would add to your excellent list the assertion by Farage and the far right that white people are the victims of police racism, based on zero evidence and a large body of data indicating that the opposite is true.
Never let the evidence be heard … another rule of the Gaslighters.
Evidence is clear that ethnic minorities are subject to more police racism than white people but yeah, why let the data ruin a good propaganda campaign eh Nige? 🐸
So true - so very, horribly, bloody true. You have framed it brilliantly. It is exhausting and debilitating and how do we make it stop? How do we fight back?
I started typing a reply to this Jen but it went on for so long I have decided to make it into a post… thanks for the inspiration… it’s an important question and definitely worth asking.
The day Donald and FOX Media got away with calling January 6th “A tour of the U.S. Capitol that went astray” was the beginning of the end for America. Talk about Gaslighting! We all watched it happen on live television!!! That was not a tour! It was an insurrection!!! We saw it with our own eyes.
We should have been in the streets marching EVERY DAY, and demanding for Trump’s arrest, but we weren’t. We didn’t. The people who were enraged by it were the same people who believed Covid was a deadly virus that was highly contagious (Those of us who believed in facts and truth) and we stayed at home.
We allowed ourselves to give in to the exhaustion. After years of maintaining there were 8 notes, we didn’t change our answer to 7, we just stopped fighting the fight and let MAGA say there were 7, and we called it a difference of opinion. We gave up the fight against obstinate stupidity.
That’s what MAGA is: 5% entitled mega-wealthy people coupled with 95% obstinate stupidity, who welcome the gaslighting with open arms, and teach their children to do the same.
To be honest, it’s horrifyingly sad watching America decompose before your eyes.
Thanks for this thoughtful reply Penny, so well written and insightful.
Witnessing the decline of America from the inside must be horrifying and soul destroying… it’s hard enough to observe from the outside.
Keep hearing the right amount of notes Penny, keep witness, it’s the best form of defence. ✌️
Thank you Rebecca, nicely said. Up is down, black is white, climate change is a hoax. Many of us have said it’s like being in an abusive relationship with this current admin and indeed it does feel like it at times. Normalizing greed, lies, abuse and worse; a strong “leader” (who goes missing for a week and can’t stay awake in cabinet meetings). George Orwell pegged it in “1984.” When I was 22 y.o. an ex and I were arguing and he said, “that’s not how you really feel, what you mean is…”. 🤯 I was so flabbergasted by that comment that I blew a gasket and called him out, turned around, left. I was stunned by how easily those words rolled off his tongue.
‘That’s not what you really feel’… cheeky bastard as we would say over here. If you punched him in the face and he said it hurt would you tell him ‘that’s not what you really feel’?!.
Gaslighting is a key tool of the patriarchy and boy has it been used as a key weapon of the Trump
Administration.
You are calling Trump out in the same way you called that idiot out when you were 22… you can’t keep a good woman down! 👏
🤣”oh, did that hurt? That’s not what you really feel” 😂
Love this and agree with every word!
That’s so kind, thank you so much Karen. Gaslighting on a global scale… let’s call it out for what it is and the damage it does!
Ohhh I've noticed this! It's a tactic beloved by the far right, conspiracy theorists & extreme anti-vaxxers. If I hadn't already experienced it from an abusive ex-husband, it would have affected me much worse, but as it is, it just makes me very angry that some think it's ok to resort to these tactics when speaking to strangers.
I wrote a piece on conscience and shame yesterday, although it wasn't very clear what I was trying to say by the time I'd written it...but still, I've been in so many situations, both professionally and personally, when no one agrees with what I'm saying and it's difficult to stay centred as it can bring up shame. Being a lifelong fawner means I want/need to be liked/agreed with, but I'm now aware of these old patterns and stick to my guns, even when I feel totally alone in my opinions. We (women) need to speak up and say what we think and how we feel whatever the response from others.
Karen
I wrote a piece on conscience and shame yesterday, although it wasn't very clear what I was trying to say by the time I'd written it...but still, I've been in so many situations, both professionally and personally, when no one agrees with what I'm saying or how I feel and it's difficult to stay centred as it can bring up shame. Being a lifelong fawner means I want/need to be liked/agreed with, but I'm now aware of these old patterns and stick to my guns, even when I feel totally alone in my opinions. We (women) need to speak up and say what we think and how we feel whatever the response from others.
Karen