Eight notes.

On global gaslighting and why you should trust what you see, hear and feel.

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck - guess what?🦆

My 16-year-old daughter is now over halfway through exam season, and she is beginning to look back on all her hard work with some regret.

‘I have learned so much stuff and half of it hasn’t come up on the tests. What use is expanding a quadratic equation in the real world?’ she laments.

And she has a point.

In addition to the mathematical torture of algebra and the equal literary torture of identifying past participle verbs, I wish our kids were taught some useful subjects too.

Like psychology. The study of human behaviour. With some humans behaving appalling these past few years, we could all do with learning a bit more about the workings of our minds and our consequent behaviours.

I studied A level psychology and I loved it. At university I was known as the ‘psycho-social midwife’ because I always wanted to dig a bit deeper in the psyche of our patients and the society around us (plus examining placentas always made me feel a bit queasy, researching psychological experiments was a welcome break).

My daughter’s exams have spanned 3 weeks so far (or 304 hours, not that I am counting, honestly). The past three weeks in our home have been difficult, made even more difficult for my Celtic child (i.e. ginger), by the recent weather patterns in London.

On the 21^st May, car alarms were sounding in the streets as hailstones the size of gobstoppers rained down. Fast forward a few days and a heatwave began sending my ginger baby and my perimenopausal self into hiding for a week. The sun left a few days ago and was replaced by thunder, lightning and torrential rain lashing much needed moisture to parched gardens and lawns.

A plethora of weather over the span of over just a few weeks. I posted about it on Substack, because I am British and weather obsessed and because I like to chat.

Now here’s the interesting part. Most of my readers agreed. Whether they be in the mean streets of Manchester of the Planes of well Plano, readers from all over the globe expressed their concerns about climate change. Apart from a few.

‘It is called weather’ remarked one.

‘Weather is always changeable in Britain, you are not noticing anything new’ snarked another.

‘You lefty’s think everything is a problem’ added another charmer (instantly blocked and deleted)

Too hot for even Coco to go out - or am I just overreacting?

For a second I was unnerved. I am not a climate scientist. What would I know? Am I really qualified to comment. For a moment I began to question my experience, the lightening I had seen, the scorching temperatures I had I felt, the roaring thunder I had heard and the endless stuff sleepless nights I had endured. Momentarily I felt foolish and admonished.

Being bullied into doubting our own experience. Being told to ignore the evidence in front of our eyes, our ears, all our senses. Being mocked for holding true to our thoughts and feelings. There is a name for this. Gaslighting. Gaslighting on a global scale is what we have come to expect since the rise of Trump, the Oligarchs and the far right.

Psychology recognises this. Psychologists have done experiments about this, and I remember one from my studies.

Ten ‘participants’ were put in a room, sat around a table and told they are going to listen to some musical notes. When the notes are finished they must go around the table and say how many notes they heard.

Only there are not ten genuine participants. There is just one. The other nine are actors and part of the experiment. The unknowing participant is always placed last at the end of the table. The group are told they cannot leave the room until they reach a consensus on the amount of notes.

The musical notes are played. Eight clear notes. Each participant then takes their turn to say how many notes they heard. Seven. The actors say seven, they have been told to. The participant takes his turn and swears he heard eight.

The experiment in repeated. Nine notes played this time. Again, the actors deliberately miscount, and the participant counts correctly but this time the participant is heckled by the actors

‘Is your hearing ok?’

‘Are you doing this on purpose, concentrate next time’.

The experiment is repeated and invariably the participant, after hearing the next set of eight notes, agrees with the actors that seven were played.

In interviews later, some of the participants stuck to their stories. They believed they heard seven, really believed it. Its frightening stuff.

It is easy given the times we are living through to be that participant. We are being constantly told that what we are seeing, hearing and feeling is untrue and a reflection on our failings as human beings. That our dissent is slowing down progress and is making us worthy targets of abuse and humiliation.

• Upset at seeing Palestinian children starving to death and object to Israel’s destruction of Palestine and its people? – how very antisemitic of you!

• Horrified by the bombing of civilian infrastructure in Iran? – what you are seeing is war, don’t you understand?

• Concerned you can’t afford gas and yet taxpayers’ money is being used to fund a ballroom of bad taste? – America is doing great; everyone wants to come here!

• Pissed off that Nigel Farage pocked 5 million quid and won’t explain why or what for? – nothing to see here, move along, why do you always have it in for Nigel?

• Convinced Trump is medically unfit (along with just about every other variation of unfit) to continue as president and is falling asleep on the job? – ‘I have never seen him fall asleep’ protests Marco Rubio (Marco, like Donnie, obviously spends a lot of time with his eyes shut).

Definitely not sleeping - are you mad?

People (mostly women) who have suffered abusive relationships will recognise the pattern well. Wear them down. Swear black is white. Ridicule their competent thoughts. Attack their character and intelligence when making salient points. Make them think they are the problem. Drive them mad. Tell them no-one will believe them. Take control.

I may not be able to expand a quadratic equation (although to be honest, its never held me back in life) but I do know how to root out a Gaslighter. I know the methods they use and the company they keep.

Gaslighters are sitting in the Oval Office, they are spreading their toxic tentacles into the world and gaining traction and tyrants as they go. They don’t want you to believe your own experience, your eyes, your ears, you sense of right and wrong, but I do. And I am here to help you share them.

Trust yourself and surround yourself with people who trust you. In a world that is telling you otherwise. Trust will break the Gaslighter’s grip.

Hi, I am Rebecca Mack, former British midwife and mental health specialist, mother to two daughters, a wife and a writer. I write for better and am looking for like minded souls to join This Woman’s Work community. I do the work, you just bring your enthusiasm for better. Free subscribers always welcome but upgrade to paid for just £3.50/$4.80 a month or £30/$40 a year for the full experience (and my eternal gratitude🙏 ). Lets get better together!

Please like, comment and restack to spread the world to those who need some relief from this God- awful global gaslighting grip.